


Colorblind

by orphan_account



Category: Bandom
Genre: Angels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 20:16:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Libraries are the places where the most amazing stories begin. Some have the happiest ending, and some have the saddest; but Gerard's never experienced any of this. Not until one quirky guy walked into the library Gerard worked at. </p><p>Frank is a peculiar boy to just look at; he wears etnies during winter and he's always got his nose buried in a book. He seems to be the perfect match for Gerard; he's talkative, smart and really pretty. And he likes him back. The only catch is, Frank's not as human as he seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Colorblind

**Author's Note:**

> By viviansface and bloodynemo (who doesn't have an ao3 account).

Gerard Way was a librarian. And to be honest, it kind of was his dream job. Besides, it paid all his bills, and he could afford a nice apartment not so far away from the center of New Jersey. He got books for breakfast, books for lunch, and sometimes, after he got home, he also got books for dinner. He honestly thought that you could never read enough books.

So, that was that. The other thing was, though, that a lot of the people that came to the library were students, and they didn’t seem to appreciate the art of printed word.

They would come up to Gerard’s small table and ask for a certain title with bored expressions on their faces. They would utter “Thanks” after Gerard had helped them out and pushed the book into their hands, almost as if he was the one who suggested that they read it. He hated those people. If there was something that made him want to stay in his apartment and forget about his work, it was students.

But there was also one person that made Gerard want to go to work early and go home late. His name was Frank: he wore a shy smile all the time, and he was history-obsessed. Or at least what Gerard called him in his mind.

Frank was quite odd, but Gerard found that sort of attractive. Every Wednesday Frank showed up and brought back the book he borrowed the week before. He would discuss it with Gerard (although it usually was just an encyclopedia about a certain time), and then borrow something else.

Long story short, Gerard liked Frank. He always looked forward to Wednesdays- almost as if they were the weekend.

~

“You should just ask him out,” Ray said casually and took a sip of his coffee. Gerard’s face scrunched up in disagreement, and he dropped his gaze to stare at the table.

“Definitely not a good idea,” he murmured and shook his head, as if he wanted to make himself believe in those words. “That would make me look stupid and gay.”

“But you are gay,” Ray pointed out and raised an eyebrow when Gerard looked up and glared at him. “What? I thought you were over the I’m-not-gay phase. We’re not in high school anymore, and no one’s gonna beat the shit out of you for it.”

They were seated in a Starbucks on a lazy Saturday, and Gerard was whining about Frank again. That’s how the conversation always ended up. Ray would sigh and sigh, and Gerard would refuse to do anything about his current situation. At least there was coffee, Gerard thought, and stared at his hands.

“Okay, so I’m gay. But what if he isn’t?” Gerard suggested and squeezed his cup of coffee. He felt sixteen all over again, with a stupid crush on the most inappropriate person on the planet. He knew he shouldn’t act like this – he was an adult, for Christ sake- he wasn't supposed to act like this. Ray was right. He should stop being a fucking chicken and talk to Frank for once. What was there to lose? They weren’t friends or anything.

“You know you have to take that risk,” Ray shrugged his shoulders and glanced at his watch. “Or call Mikey and annoy him. He deserves it. I gotta go, man.”

“Oh?” Gerard breathed out and tried not to look like a sad puppy. It was honestly sad that he didn’t have more friends – Ray and Mikey were basically his only options. Yeah, he knew other people, like Brendon or Pete… but they weren’t such good friends that he wanted to spend a Saturday night with them.

“Yeah, I’ve got a date.” Ray’s face actually lit up when he mentioned it. “Her name is Christa and I met her in a club the other night. Man, she’s into cool stuff. You should try clubs for once, they’re not as evil as society makes them look.”

“Go away, Toro, or I might just throw up,” Gerard commented and made a disgusted face. Yeah, okay, he might have been desperate, but he definitely wasn’t _that_ desperate. There was always a mental stop sign at the very thought of clubbing.

They parted ways in front of the shop, Gerard with a weird feeling of jealousy. He even considered Ray’s idea – maybe he could call Mikey and discuss thing with him. But ever since Mikey moved to New York to study economics there, their friendship kind of fell apart, and even though Gerard hated it, he didn’t know what to do about it at all. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and headed in the direction of his apartment, head low, lost in thoughts. Oh, how he wished he wouldn’t think so much all the time.

He was just about to drown in the feeling of being completely lonely and forgotten by the whole world, when he ran into the most unexpected person he could ever imagine. He actually ran right into Frank.

“Oh, hello!” Frank said with a smile dancing on his lips. Gerard looked him up and down, trying to tell what was so special about him.

“Hi,” he murmured shyly and swayed on his heels. He thought they would leave it at that, but then he noticed that Frank was carrying a book under his arm and couldn’t fight the urge to ask about it. “What are you reading?”

Frank’s smile was even wider now and Gerard had to admit that he’d never met a person that was probaly stranger. “It’s Sophocles!” Frank said cheerfully and handed it over to Gerard. “I bought it. Just so you know why I didn’t borrow it at the library.”

Gerard giggled and nodded his head, “I never actually borrow books. I want to have them, like, forever. Once I read something, I just can’t bring myself to give it up,” he admitted and blushed when he saw Frank staring at him like he was the most interesting person in the world.

Frank eventually hummed and tilted his back to the side before he smiled again with a lop-sided grin, and bit down on his lips. “I gotta go,” he said with the same smile, and took the book back when Gerard handed it back to him. “Stuff to do, and... yeah.” Gerard was pretty sure that Frank was talking about a date, because it would be impossible for someone like Frank to be single or not dating.

“Right. Me too.” _I’m busy getting drunk in my apartment, which I don’t share with anyone, because no one can stand me_ . Gerard pursed his lips, hating himself for criticizing himself so much for no apparent reason.

It must have showed on his face, because Frank nudged Gerard in his shoulder and said, “I’ll see you on Wednesday, then! I already can’t wait.”

Gerard was left in awe when Frank walked by him and practically disappeared, leaving only a very specific, vanilla scent behind him. Gerard didn’t even manage to choke out a simple, “Me too”, but he sure couldn’t wait for Wednesday either. Something in Frank’s voice made him think that it wouldn’t be another ordinary day, and that maybe something would happen. Maybe he’d have the guts to ask Frank out, even though that was unlikely.

It made Gerard shiver to think that Frank actually talked to him out of the library. It made him think that Frank noticed him, that he wasn’t just a faceless figure to borrow books from. He still ended up in his apartment on a Saturday night while most of his friends were out on a date. But he allowed himself to be silly for a while and think about Frank and the way his perfectly shaped lips smiled at him. He thought about Sophocles, books… how nice Frank’s fingers must smell after being buried in books for five hours.

~

He was already on speed dial, and his fingers almost moved on their own, if it wasn't for the voice of reason stopping them. He really hated the voice of reason sometimes; he'd almost make a decision when the stupid doubts started to crawl in.

Gerard looked at his phone, dialed the number two, and let his eyes linger on it. The last time he used speed dial was to call number Three, of which he really, really didn't want to think about. But it was a Sunday night, and as much as he loved his job he had the Monday syndrome. Which meant he was depressed, so he was stupid enough to let some more bad thoughts come in. Like how number Three used to be so important. And how Gerard gave him the world, gave him everything, gave him his happiness; and how number Three decided there were better options on the market, but still he wasn't a man enough to tell Gerard he had someone else.

The beeping of the microwave woke him up from the vicious cycle of self blaming and hatred. He walked to the kitchen and retreated after some minutes with his Chinese leftovers. He picked up the phone, hit two and waited. There was no point in drowning in misery.

"Hello?" a voice answered, sounding distracted.

"Hey Mikes," Gerard said and cursed his voice for sounding so little.

"Oh, hey Gee," Mikey sounded surprised, but Gerard really couldn't blame him. Gerard rarely called; he just didn't like talking on the phone. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, and you? How's the studying going?"

"You know, school, classes…"

"Yeah."

An awkward silence hung on the phone as both breathed quietly. Gerard could already feel his palms sweating and his teeth nibbling his lower lip. This was wrong. This was seriously messed up; things shouldn't be so awkward between them. They used to be best friends, they were close brothers. This was just too weird.

"Is everything okay, Gerard?" And even though he blurted out, "no," he could already feel his heart calming down as he finally recognized some sincerity in the voice on the phone. This was Mikey, he had to remember, his little brother from New Jersey, the one who could sense Gerard's discomfort from miles away. He wasn't a stranger.

And at that thought, Gerard's dam overflowed and he told him all about Frank, and how strange and intriguing he was, and how Ray told him he should ask him out but it's really stupid.

"How is it stupid?" Mikey asked, and Gerard could practically hear his eyebrow climbing up on his forehead.

"It's…it's stupid because Ray's not even gay. What does he know about this?" Gerard asked and felt some sense of victory, seeing as this excuse just popped into his mind. But it sounded good, and if he wasn't in blood relations with Mikey he was pretty sure this could've worked.

"When was the last time you dated anyone, Gerard?" Mikey waited for his answer.

It took him some minutes, and then his cheeks started to heat up as he realized that it has been too shamefully long, and he couldn't even utter the number out. "Too long," he breathed in the end and sighed.

"So it has nothing to do with one's gayness because anyone could tell you need to go out, straight, gay, and everything in between," Mikey concluded quite wisely, Gerard had to admit, but only to himself.

"So I should ask him out?" Gerard asked in a tiny voice, voicing some un-rational, stupid, hopeful part in him.

"Totally," Mikey said confidently.

"But…"

"No buts, it has to be done. You have to do it." Gerard could swear Mikey was like a mental coach sometimes.

"Okay," he sighed shakily and ended the call. This week was going to be long.

~

He's wasn't nervous. What, no. No way. His hands were sweating because of the weather, and his cheeks were tinted red because it was so abnormally warm inside the library, as opposed to the outside. And also his heart was racing because a librarian job is a hard one, with the lifting of the books and putting them in place.

He just had to think about nothing, nothing at all, like he'd done all week.

The library was pretty much dead, only three people sitting in secluded niches, one elderly woman falling asleep on to her book. He let his gaze roam over the place, searching for any misplaced books, something to do, something to distract his mind with. His eyes landed on the old clock on the wall. The time was half past five, which meant to things: his work day was an hour away from its' end, and Frank should've been here by now. Frank always came between five and five thirty…and now he was late.

Gerard had to wonder for a moment when did he become this creep who remembers such disturbing data about a man he did not want to ask out at all.

The bell above the library door chimed as the door opened. The outside world brought some drops of rain, harsh wind, and one wet Frank in. Gerard stared at him for a moment, nothing going through his mind, when suddenly he made a small "oh!" and rushed over to him.

"Where is your umbrella?" Gerard asked and took the three heavy books Frank had secured in a bag under his arm. He still stood at the entrance of the library in a little puddle made by his dripping coat and boots.

"I don't have one," Frank said in a light voice, as if that was the most reasonable thing in the world.

"It's like, December, dude," Gerard muttered and started walking back to the counter to put the books away. "That's the quickest recipe to get pneumonia," he continued, and stopped when he heard a couch from behind.

"I don't think it's very safe for me to walk around like this," Frank said, still by the door. Gerard could feel the heat crawling up his neck and mentally slapped himself. This was not going as planned. He was supposed to be charming, to be cool. He was anything but those things.

"Right," he scratched his head. "Just…leave your boots by the door and hang the coat on the rack there," he waved his hand in the general direction and went to hide behind the counter.

As Frank made himself comfortable and dry, Gerard watched him. His limbs were probably cold as the movements were stiff. He unwrapped himself, leaving his scarf and hat hanging with his coat. His cheeks were red as well, from the sudden heat engulfing him, and his smile made Gerard's stomach flutter as always.

"How was your week?" Frank asked when he finally reached the counter, and seemed genuinely interested. Gerard thought about his answer. What did he do this week?

He denied the fact he was going to ask Frank out by making himself busy all the time. He woke up early, went to work, read all day, and cleaned the house…and all the parts that never saw a broom before. He bought some art supplies, tried to cook some dinners, met with Ray, and watched too much mind numbing TV.

"Just…nothing special," he said finally, and looked at Frank. He was just so weird. Gerard couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it was the cat-patterned socks that made him think that. It was probably something in the way he looked at Gerard though, really intently, how the smile never left his lips, how he always seemed to be focused all on him. As if they were stood in the middle of nowhere and there was nothing else around to look at, or as if Gerard had something really interesting on his face. Because it didn't seem like Frank was looking into his eyes…he looked beyond. Into something Gerard wasn't sure he wanted to reveal. And that made Gerard freak out a little.

"How was yours? How were the books?" he asked and made himself concentrate on Frank and stop his eyes from slipping down to the scorpion on his neck. At the mention of the books Frank's eyes lightened, and he started answering right away.

"Oh man I learned so many things this week!" he was practically buzzing. "Did you know that the first slaves were brought from Africa to Virginia in 1610? They were slaves for so long! Slavery was only banned officially at 1865, in the thirteenth amendment to the constitution, that's like…two hundred and fifty years of slavery!" 

Frank sounded truly amazed, and Gerard noticed he had that weird look again, but it soon vanished as his mouth started moving again. Gerard had no clue what he was talking about; probably some more about American history, maybe the civil war, but Gerard found Frank more interesting than the history lesson. His hands moved as he talked, colours flying in Gerard's line of vision. His cheeks were starting to lose their blush as his body got accustomed to the temperature inside the library. His eyes were bright and attentive and they just had that spark, like life was the greatest thing and that books just made him happy.

As Frank continued talking and explaining about what he read, Gerard felt, somewhere deep in his denial, a small part calling him to ask Frank out. Frank was cute, and Gerard could hope that even if he said no, things between them wouldn't be too awkward. And again, it wouldn't ruin anything, as they weren't even friends. They weren't anything specific, so it was either things would get better, or stay as they were.

"Frank," Gerard interrupted his speech apologetically, but it seemed like Frank didn't even hear him. "I don't care about the slavery," he tried, bolder this time, and caught Frank's attention.

"You know, Gerard, that can be conceived as racist," Frank furrowed his eyebrows, leaning in and looked around them. "I mean after the '60's, it's-"

"Will you go out with me?"

A silence filled in the library, as Frank had gone silent. The only sound was the light tapping of the rain on the window that indicated just how quiet the library was, and just how much everyone probably heard their conversation. Gerard thought for a moment that he could see the granny by the corner lifting her head over her book to watch the action.

After a couple of moments Gerard could already hear the evil "I told you so" of his common sense echoing in his head, reminding him what a loser he was. He looked at Frank and could feel the burn in his stomach when Frank's mouth suddenly moved and formed words Gerard couldn't hear over the ringing in his ears.  
"What?" he asked.

"I said, of course I will!" he replied happily, and smiled wide.

Gerard blinked at him and breathed a little. Only Frank could make his question, which he had thought about for a week, played different scenarios in his head, and fretted about, seem so simple.

"O…kay," he scratched his neck and felt his lips stretch on his face. His smile was just too contagious.

"Can we go to the circus? I heard it's coming next week," Frank offered with the excitement of a child. Gerard wasn't so sure it was the optimal place, with families and little kids and maybe chaos, but the look of excitement on Frank's face made all the doubts disappear.

"Sure," he said. Frank took out a pen from his pocket and grabbed Gerard's hand, scribbling a number quickly. "So we can set up the time," he explained, and held his hand a moment longer. His hand was warm, and a bit rough, sending shivers up Gerard's arm.

"I should go," Frank said and walked back to the entrance to get his coat and boots.

"Don't you want anything to read?" Gerard called after him, receiving a look from one of the people reading.

"Sophocles awaits me," he said, and left, sending Gerard a smile and a wave on his way out. After the bell chimed, the library was dead quiet, making Gerard wonder why they even had a bell in a library. He quickly pulled out his phone to save Frank's number, and no, he didn't care if he acted like a teenager with a crush. He couldn't risk this number getting erased on his arm in some tragic fate-related accident. When he finished saving it, he looked at the digits, and in a decision of a moment, erased speed dial for digit three. He didn't need it there anymore.

~

Gerard had supposed he would be the more nervous one (considering he was the one who stuttered during their short phone conversation where they set up the time), but as they met right in front of the huge, colorful tent, Frank was… fidgeting.

Of course, Gerard’s anxious mind was there with a solution within five seconds: it was because Frank didn’t really want to come. He just felt sorry for Gerard, and that’s why he said yes, and now they were here and it was going to be painfully awkward. In Gerard’s head, this sounded very believable, and he was just about to cry internally when Frank spoke up.

“I searched for some stuff about circuses yesterday because I was really excited to go today,” he said, and though it encouraged Gerard a bit, he could still sense that there would be a ‘but’ following. And of course there was. “But I’m not so sure I’m excited about it right now.”

“W-why?” Gerard managed to ask as he curled his palms into fists so as not to slap himself for stuttering again. He couldn’t help it, but anytime he was near Frank, strange things were happening to him. These things included lots of sweat, obviously lots of stuttering and everything was… kind of in a blur. Like he wasn’t himself completely. But on the other hand, he felt good about it all. As if he was himself more than anytime all at the same time. Really, Frank caused too much confusion. Gerard wasn’t even sure if it was healthy.

“Because I didn’t like what I read,” Frank answered with a shrug, and it was probably the first time that he really didn’t sound excited about reading in general. The usual spark in his eyes that appeared every time he was about to share his feelings about the last book he read was missing this time. “I don’t know how come I never realized this before, but the animals are basically _tortured_.”

Gerard frowned and scratched the back of his neck. “Well, some circuses might be doing that, but – “

“No, but that’s the point! Every circus does that!” Frank explained waving his hands wildly, almost smacking Gerard in the face with his right arm. “I mean, how would you feel if someone used a whip on you?”

Gerard’s cheeks turned bright red the second Frank looked at him with a question and anticipation in his eyes. Of course he had to understand the double meaning. Of course he had to imagine it. Seriously, fuck his life so hard. He wasn’t even able to have a normal conversation with someone due to the sexual innuendos he saw everywhere.

Running his fingers through his hair and reminding himself that Frank was talking about something else entirely, Gerard nodded and answered quietly, “Well, if it was against my will, I definitely wouldn’t like it. And I assume that none of the animals are thrilled about it.”

Frank’s face relaxed and he smiled warmly, almost as if he was truly happy to see Gerard get his point. “I knew you would know what I’m saying,” he said in almost a whisper, and Gerard couldn’t help but shiver at it. It was weird, something about Frank was definitely off – Gerard could sense it, and he knew it should make him want to keep a safe distance between them, but instead it made him want to figure it all out. Frank was a stranger, but he was interesting in this fucked up way, and Gerard, despite his awkwardness, was all ready to get close to him.

Anyway, their conversation turned out to be completely useless. As they got closer to the tent – although Gerard really didn’t know why they decided to go even though Frank didn’t like the idea anymore – they found out that this circus was actually just acrobats, clowns, and things like that. No animals were harmed in the making of this date.

It was a bit disappointing – the child in Gerard’s heart had been quite excited before – but Frank’s good mood had returned and, it was rushing all over Gerard. Which definitely felt good. They bought candy floss and while searching for seats, Frank surprisingly grabbed Gerard’s hand, not letting go of it until they sat down.

Gerard didn’t comment on that. And when Frank rested his palm on Gerard’s thigh during the performance of two guys almost killing themselves on a rope, Gerard didn’t comment on that either. And he also didn’t say anything at all when Frank pressed his side against Gerard’s and let out a satisfied sigh.

His heart was racing like crazy the whole time, the muscle in the thigh Frank was touching painfully tensed. It’d been ages since he was out on a date. He wasn’t sure if this wasn’t moving too fast – Frank was quite courageous, touching Gerard like this the first time they were together. But on the other hand, Gerard had spent so much time admiring Frank from afar, trying to analyze him – that it didn’t feel so wrong after all. It just felt like another piece of Frank’s personality, something he really shouldn’t be overthinking.

When they walked out of the huge tent, trying not to lose each other in the crowd – everyone was in a hurry to get home as soon as possible – Gerard smiled to himself. “That was nice,” he managed to say in not such a tiny voice.

Frank literally hopped beside him and as Gerard saw his grin, he knew a rant would follow. “I know! I personally loved the acrobats. I mean, isn’t it amazing what they’re doing? They could easily just kill themselves up there, yet you can see them smile so wide and proud when they accept the applause. Their job is so extraordinary, I bet they’re never bored! What do you think?”

“I think I’ll never be able to do that,” Gerard answered, huffing out a small laugh. What he really thought, though, was that he really didn’t know why Frank liked him. Or, well, liked him enough to go out with him. It was true that people say that opposites attract, but wasn’t this too obvious? Frank was so talkative, so happy all the time (unless there was torturing of animals, of course). He was so _alive_. He was basically everything Gerard never was, and coincidences like this didn’t happen in real life, didn't they?

“Why not? Are you afraid of heights? Most people are. Really, not everyone can handle all the adrenaline. I read that somewhere, I think.” Frank bit down on his lip and looked up at Gerard’s face a little hesitantly, like he just realized he’d been talking too much and he was afraid it annoyed the older one of them.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…” Gerard dropped his gaze and stared at the ground, thankful that it was dark already. And cold as hell, but that didn’t matter so much. He considered lying, but something in him pulled at the honesty string that hadn’t been pulled in months and he sighed. “I think it’s just that no matter how much I hate my life or anything, I still value it too much to risk it like that.”

Silence fell over them after that – but it was okay. Gerard didn’t expect Frank to dig into it or ask questions about why Gerard hated his life in the first place.

Frank’s fingers were ice-cold when they slipped into Gerard’s palm slowly. It was nothing like when he grabbed his hand before, this was gentle and shy. “Come to my place?” Frank suggested in a small voice when they parted ways with the rest of the crowd and headed towards the parking lot.

It took a lot of Gerard’s willpower not to stop in the middle of his step when he heard those words. Was Frank really asking him to… do that? Surely asking someone to come to their apartment on the first date still meant the same thing, right? Something creaked inside of Gerard, making him panic for a second; making him think of number Three. Number Three, now completely erased, had asked the same thing, although it was their second or third date. But still. And Gerard said yes, because he was so in love and so enchanted by number Three – and look where it took him.

“Isn’t that – I don’t know, Frank,” Gerard said softly, not quite sure what he was doing. So what? So what if he said yes? Would that be so bad? Frank was not Gerard’s ex-boyfriend, he was nothing like that. It could go straight to hell or he could wake up in Frank’s apartment on the next day, curled up next to Frank’s hot body – holy shit, what if Frank’s got more tattoos on that body, what if it’s not just the scorpion? – and it could be just nice. Gerard truly wanted to believe that he deserved a little happiness, so why did he hesitate when Frank asked him if he wanted to be happy with him?

Frank stopped, though, making Gerard stop as well. “I guess it seems really soon to ask this,” he sighed and pursed his lips, his expression unreadable as if he was focusing on something really hard. “Look, this doesn’t happen to me. But I felt so attracted to you,” he squeezed Gerard’s hand, his fingers suddenly warm, “that I couldn’t hold it back. I’m this close to saying ‘please’ just so you'll come. And I don’t know what it is, and it confuses me. _Me_. How irrational that is? But I just… I keep wondering what it would be like…”

Frank’s eyes wandered down Gerard’s face and lingered on his lips. Gerard stood there frozen – not just from the chilly, December air – and simply waited.

Waited to see if Frank would have the balls to lean closer and actually initiate the kiss. Waited to see if he wasn’t going to fall down from how wobbly his knees had become. Waited to see if this was real and he wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon.

All in all, the wait was definitely worth it – because after a few seconds of Frank biting down on his lip furiously, he looked up again and with his mouth slightly open, he _did_ lean closer.

When Gerard breathed in, he registered the vanilla scent again, and it made him grin; it was something that just fit Frank so well for some reason that he couldn’t imagine him without it. It took him a few seconds to give into the kiss, maybe because it all still felt too surreal, but in the end, he reached out with his free hand and cupped Frank’s cheek with it. He pressed his lips fiercely against Frank’s, lowering his head a little to get better access.

They tore apart after some time, cheeks flushed, but not from the cold anymore.  
Exhaling and letting a little fume fly through the air, Frank giggled. “Will you come, then?”

Gerard hesitated again, but then he licked his lips and tasted the vanilla there, and that was it. He nodded slightly, not even sure if Frank had been able to see it. He giggled as well and caressing Frank’s cheek with his fingers, tracing the line of his jaw, he managed to answer out loud. “Yeah, I think I will.”

~

The sun filtered through the thin curtains and gave the room a magical feeling, like there was something floating in the air. The combination of grey clouds, pale light, and early morning was fascinating, and Gerard could have used some paint or a sketchbook right now.

He never really managed to sleep for too long in strange houses; he was always the one to wake up first, start the morning slowly, do his morning routine quietly with an empty mind. Although in his own house he never woke up before noon if he didn't have to. Here, in this 4th floor apartment, it was 6:30 in the morning, and he was loving every second of it. He wished he could stay longer in the bed, nestled in Frank's arms, but after a while it became too hot, and his bladder threatened him with an accident.

The early hour allowed him time to marvel, to _look_. Last night, in their frenzy of heavy touches and hot make out sessions, he barely saw anything. They stumbled through the darkness of the apartment and didn't waste time on turning the lights on. All he did was feeling, touching, tasting. The only light came from the street lamp outside, burning orange dancing on Frank's naked body.

The apartment wasn't big. It had a kitchen, a small living room and a little bathroom. Frank's bedroom was the biggest room, and Gerard guessed this was designed to be the living room and not the master bedroom. Gerard walked barefoot through the apartment, looking at Frank's belonging. The main design item had to be the books. They filled every corner of the small apartment; there were books preventing the toaster from falling, books on the coffee table in the living room, and books even in the bathroom, on a special shelf. Gerard had to giggle at that, Frank was such a freak. And he knew he loved every quirky thing he found here.

After he brushed his teeth, pulled some random shirt on his bare chest, and cleaned himself up, he walked to the bedroom and looked outside the window, at first opening the glass to let some fresh air in, but then deciding against it, as he was met with chilly air hitting his face like tiny needles.

The city had just begun to wake up, and the streets were mostly empty. There wasn't much to look at, so he turned around and leaned on the sill, looking at the bed.

Frank was still sound asleep. His muscles were relaxed, and he was lying on his stomach. His mouth was a bit agape, soft breathing slipping in and out. His hair was all over the place, contrasting black against his pale skin. He was so beautiful Gerard could feel his heart jumping just from looking at him. He felt like he could spend forever watching him sleep without getting bored of it. There was always something new to see; the way his muscles moved from time to time, the shape of his irises gracing his soft skin in a perfect half moon, the quiet rise of his body with his breathing, the colors peaking from everywhere. He didn't have time to look at all this marvel last night, he was busy ravishing this body, getting to know every curve and every inch, but now he could see all the amazing art gracing him. He walked over to him and ghosted his fingertips above the pumpkin, feeling vibrations jumping off the skin.

Suddenly, Frank turned to his other side, making Gerard jump two feet back. Frank only made some gurgled sound and continued to sleep. Gerard willed his heart to slow down, and slowly left the room in favor of some coffee. He needed to do something else besides being a creep who stared at people while they slept. He could only imagine what could have happened if Frank woke up to Gerard hovering over him, hands almost touching him.

He walked into the kitchen and looked for a kettle. Instead, he found a brand new coffee maker that didn't seem like it was used a whole lot. He shrugged and looked for a mug that wasn't dirty. As he waited for his coffee, he took in his surroundings. The apartment wasn't big, true, but it was well equipped; everything looked new, the refrigerator, the TV and the sound system in the living room, even the furniture seemed new. And thinking about it, the only thing that really looked used, or like it was touched by a human before, were the books.

Suddenly the white light in the apartment and the quietness weren't so welcoming. The more he thought about it the more disturbing it was. How did Frank have all those new things? His family might be wealthy, or maybe he had a good job, but he couldn't recall him ever driving a fancy car or wearing any expensive looking clothes – nothing to indicate this abundance went beyond the apartment. If he remembered correctly, Frank worked at a local pet shop, and as far as Gerard knew about the animal business, it wasn't making so much money…at least not to provide this to a man who wasn't over thirty.

He looked back at his coffee and wound his arms around himself. He felt chilly, goose bumps rising on his skin, and he couldn't explain the sudden change in mood. All the shiny surfaces and untouched furniture made him wonder how long had Frank even lived here. The more questions that rushed to his mind, the more he felt uneasy. There seemed to be a lot of things about Frank he didn't know.

He shook his head and pulled another mug, making another cup for Frank. He couldn't think of a better way to wake him up, at the moment, seeing as he wasn't sure what they were, or how Frank saw all of this. Maybe he expected Gerard to go home after last night and not stay…and that thought made Gerard feel uneasy.

Before he had any more time to speculate, he retreated to the bedroom, two steaming mugs in his head. The plan worked like magic; it took the scent about 10 seconds to be carried over to Frank. You could see the process of realization fighting its way through the fog of sleep in Frank's eyes. He smiled at Gerard sweetly and took the mug he was offered.

"Ah, thank you," he said a moment later after taking the first sip, voice hoarse and unused. They both looked at each other, Frank obviously still wounded in the process of waking up. He seemed relaxed, calm; Gerard patted his shoulder mentally for not running off as he woke up. Frank wasn't the guy to kick him out after last night, he should've known. At that thought he let himself relax as well, all thoughts about the odd surrounding slipping away. They drank in silence, watching each other intently.

Although everything was pretty quiet except for their breathing and sipping, Gerard could feel something burning in his stomach. He looked at Frank and was met with an intense gaze.

"How about," Frank started, putting his mug on the nightstand, "I'll go take a shower…and you can join me of you want," he spoke as he rose from the bed, the white sheet falling on the bed. He strode to the bathroom, knowing exactly what effect he had on Gerard.

Gerard's breath hitched, and he swallowed loudly. He would have never guessed the weird guy who read huge history books in one week would be this…this _fluent_ in bed. Frank disappeared through the bathroom door, leaving Gerard already half hard and anticipating.

He quickly snapped out of his staring zen and walked after Frank to the bathroom. His head was filled with needs and wants, his mind already imagining how Frank's colorful tattoos would shine under hot drops of water. He pulled his shirt off and stepped inside the shower, the hot water almost scorching his back. This morning, for some reason, they didn't need any words; Gerard was still surprised, as this was Frank, and Frank always had something to say. Instead, they didn't waste any time and smashed their lips together, closing their eyes.

~

Something was obviously wrong. It wasn't just Gerard's usual paranoid mind, not ever letting go of its strong hold of common sense. This was proved in real life. Something was wrong, and Gerard didn't know what, and it drove him crazy.

It has been about two weeks and a half since they slept together. The "day after" was fine, it went well; they even left for a walk around the city after the morning shower. Frank smiled a lot, and talked a lot, and Gerard listened carefully; he could even trick his mind into thinking they were something more. 

They were both wrapped in coats and scarves. Frank talked and his breath rose in the air, his cheeks tinted the same red as his moving lips. Gerard buried half of his head in his fluffy scarf, only letting his nose rise above the sea of wool. He was humming and nodding at times, trying to look at Frank as much as he could without tripping on the sidewalk. As they walked into the busier area of the city their hands combined, naturally, almost on their own. There were no gloves to stop them from actually touching each other, and Gerard felt warmer instantly. It was good, and he felt warm all over, and the drumming in his heart played a wonderful symphony. 

And then things started to change. Gerard and Frank didn't talk the whole week after, though Gerard tried to contact Frank at least twice; once leaving him a message, and then just a text. He says at least twice, because he's not sure if he tried anything while drunk. His memory tended to erase those parts. He felt pretty stupid after the latter, and instead of thinking of Frank and his rising worries, he invested his time in reading and drawing. Drawing was not just for fun now, though it always was. Now it was essential.

There was a gallery two and a half blocks away from the library that hosted some sort of a show for unknown local artists. Gerard waited for their answer for months, fretting quietly to himself, when finally the answer arrived, sealed in a small white envelop. Thinking about that moment he tore it open, his eyes scanning the document quickly made him feel that same spark of happiness again. At that moment, he actually squealed, jumping up and down and calling Ray to tell him the good news. It was magnificent, because the opportunity to do something with art for maybe actual living never arrived. Somehow, his goals and aspirations of going to NY and studying art after he finished high school kind of faltered into nothing, and somehow he found himself working as a librarian in the city's library, instead of studying his beloved art. 

So every day he drew, making sketches and outlines and pouring every idea he had out on the canvas. He knew he didn’t have to create new pieces for the show, he had lots and lots of paintings he did over the years; but he felt he needed to justify his selection.

Art was a great refuge, but it wasn't always there. And every day, when Gerard was in the library, left alone in his head with his thoughts, he couldn't help but think about Frank.

And thinking about Frank wasn't much fun like before. Now his mind was filled with different scenarios; Frank realizing Gerard was a freak and not worth his time; Frank thinking the sex was so bad he'd never want to see Gerard ever again; Frank meeting someone else, someone amazing, beautiful, and realizing they're everything Gerard isn't. One time he even thought maybe Frank met number Three, and together they were all locked in this weird relationship-exs-inception, but he shook it off quickly. That was too paranoid even for him.

When his thoughts became unable to bear, he called Mikey. Mikey would say, "But Gee, give him his time. A week doesn't mean anything." And after the second week, Gerard could hear in his voice that he wasn't so sure now as well. "Maybe call him? Ask him what's up?" "Yeah," Gerard would answer, leaving out the part where he did call him, and did message him. "Don't make quick declarations; you can't know what's up until you talk to him." And Gerard knew Mikey was right, but even in his best days when the hope meter was almost full, he couldn't find any convincing explanation other than Frank was avoiding him.

And here he was almost three full weeks after their first and only date. As time went by, all fingers pointed to avoidance. The last straw was when Gerard saw the book Frank took some time ago resting in its place on the shelf.

"How is this here?" he asked no one in particular. He entered the computer's lending books' system and saw that yes, indeed, the book was retuned rightfully. He hoped this might have been another copy and picked up the phone. This idea was stupid, but he needed to know.

"Hello?" the person on the other line picked up the phone.

"Hey, Dan, It's Gerard," Gerard said quickly, playing with the phone's cord. "I wanted to know how many copies of 'The Female Representation in The Renaissance' we have, someone is asking for it and I think it's been taken," that was such bullshit. Gerard felt that the more he talked and explained the more it was obvious he was lying. That's how lies usually worked; the more details you invested in them the clearer it became they were total fiction.

Luckily, they were talking about books and not crimes, so Dan didn't think a quarter of Gerard's frantic thoughts. "We only have one but someone returned it yesterday," he said.

"Oh?" Gerard asked, his throat constricting. Tuesdays were the only days he wasn't working, and this smelled too fishy, coincidences didn't work like that in real life.

"Yes, that guy named…Howard? Frank? Something old-ish," Dan answered.

"O-okay…I'll look for it, thanks," he said and hung up the phone. He looked at the book, his chest squeezing. He shouldn't have called. Why hear the brutal answer when he already sensed the truth?

The bell above the entrance chimed and Gerard snapped his eyes to the calendar, on a whim. Today was Wednesday. He stopped hoping to see Frank only to not get those fragile hopes crushed, but he could see in his line of vision some acid green Dr.Martens boots, and he only really knew one person to possess such an extraordinary pair.

"Hey," he called out to him, getting some looks from annoyed readers. Frank waved at him and disappeared down one of the isles. There was a sting in Gerard's heart and his fingers clutched the desk. After a couple of minutes Frank walked over to him, a book in hand. Gerard took it silently, passing it under the bar code machine. Gerard couldn't bear it; the silence was just too heavy. "Did you like the book about the Renaissance?" he asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

"Yeah, it was interesting," Frank answered neutrally and looked at Gerard. His face lacked any expression, his hands were stuffed in his jeans' pockets, his posture…everything transmitted apathy.

Gerard sighed and bowed his head, typing away at the computer. "I had to give it back yesterday, it was the last day of the lending," Frank added, as if to justify his actions. Maybe he read Gerard's mind, but to Gerard it didn't really matter and he snorted, an ironic smile spreading on his lips. As if anyone would've cared if he was late, god forbid, one day. Shit, he let him fuck him in the ass, the last thing he would care about was if he was late or not. He wanted to know why Frank disappeared after saying those sugar coated words, _“Look, this doesn’t happen to me. But I feel so attracted to you,”_. Right. He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and demand answers and maybe slap Frank for using him and never calling, let alone answering his calls. He felt like crying and like there was a dagger in his stomach and every minute that passed with the fucking apathy written on Frank's beautiful face was turning that knife and pushing it a bit deeper.

But he didn't do any of that. Instead he took in a deep breath, handed the book, and didn't say anything, like the coward that he was. As their hands touched, Frank looked him in the eyes for the first time in three weeks, and Gerard felt so stupid for even letting that hope of seeing something there crawl in. Maybe, if he tricked himself enough, he could think he saw sadness there, but honestly, he didn't care at the moment. He wanted Frank to leave the library, leave his kingdom of quietness and go away.

Once in a while, Gerard's wishes came true, and now was one of those times. Frank said a little 'thanks', retreated to the entrance, and left. If it wasn't for the bright green of his shoes, burned to Gerard's memory, Gerard wouldn't have been sure if this has even happened, or if he was just imagining.

~

"Damn, that's not cool," Ray said, taking another sip from his beer.

"You don't say," Gerard rolled his eyes and played with the straw in his own drink.

"You deserve some answers dude, you know what they say, if the mountain won't come to Mohammad, Mohammad will come to the mountain,"

"I'm pretty sure that's reversed."

They were sitting in a dark club, listening to some shitty band play on the live stage. Gerard didn't like anything about this bar; it was crowded, and smelly, and the music was always shit, someone was always having sex in the bathroom and the alcohol wasn't even that good. He was drinking some coke at the moment, waiting to get home to open his bottle of vodka. It was kind of idiotic, waiting to get home from a fucking _bar_ to finally get drunk; but deep down he knew this was necessary. Who knew what would happen if he was to get drunk here. He wasn't planning on crying in front of Ray.

"Point is, you should go talk to him," Ray shouted over the music. 

Gerard looked at him skeptically, thinking this entire problem started when he took Ray's advice, and that maybe he should let him know that initially it was his fault. Instead he said, "I'm tired of running after him. I called, I texted, I tried friendly talk. He doesn't respond."

"But don't you feel you deserve some answers?" Ray asked, looking at him with empathy.

"I feel a lot of things," Gerard said and sipped his coke, looking away. He felt a lot of things, starting from hurt, to hatred, to crushed hopes, to some anger towards Frank and anger towards himself. The darker thoughts, about how pathetic he was, how unworthy, how he would be forever alone would only come later at night though, when he'd be properly drunk, when the moon will cross three quarters of the sky.

"It's not for him, it's for you, so that you will be able to close that chapter. He owes this to you," Ray pointed.

He _was_ making sense, Gerard had to admit. He sipped on his coke, looked at the smoke that crawled up the air and hummed to himself.

~

He shouldn't be doing this. No, no, definitely not. This was stupid, and useless, and it wouldn't make anything better. Even the universe tried to suggest that, to stop Gerard from going; it was pouring outside, his umbrella snapped in half and was thrown to the nearest trash can on his way to Frank's apartment, his phone was left without any battery in it. He should have just stayed home, made some more art as the deadline was nearing. No, instead he had to be stupid and follow Ray's and Mikey's advice. After half a bottle vodka and one talkative mouth, Mikey said he had to go there, and Gerard had no choice. Ray and Mikey were smart people, and deep inside, he wanted to find out once and for all, if this was his fault, or not.

He ran the last blocks to the apartment, trying and failing to shield his head with his scarf and hands. When he stepped into the staircase he shook himself, breathing hard. He took a moment to collect himself, bending, but a load thunder roared outside, making the door shake and Gerard's heart to rattle and pick up a fast pace again. He closed his eyes, released the tension in his body and after a couple of minutes of meditated breathing he started the long journey up to the 4th floor.

When he finally reached the door, he raised his hand but didn't knock; something was forbidding him from hitting the wood, some unnatural force freezing him. The nerves in the pit of his stomach let him know they weren't too happy for the whole situation and begged him to get this going and over with. He couldn't deny he wanted this to be cleared and over as well, and with some determination, he knocked softly on the door.

The rain outside intensified, setting a quick rhythm on the roof. Gerard knocked again, louder this time, but there was no answer. Gerard could hardly believe Frank wasn't home by this hour; it was seven in the evening, on a Tuesday, and it was raining cats and dogs outside.

Then, something abnormal happened. Some foreign courage took over Gerard's limbs and in an instance he was holding the knob, opening the door and stepping inside.

This was surprising. He didn't know what to expect when he came here, he probably wanted some answers to Frank's sudden disappearance. But he did not expect to find an unlocked door and a dark apartment. He could make out the outline of the furniture by the lamps in the streets, pouring orange light inside. The only light that was on was in the bathroom, lightning Gerard's path.

That's when Gerard stopped to think. How utterly scary will it be if he just suddenly popped into Frank's bedroom, without him knowing beforehand there was an intruder in the house? We could think this was partially Frank's fault for not answering his phone when Gerard wanted to call and let him know he was going to stop by, but even so, Gerard didn't want to give him a heart attack.

He slowly progressed into the apartment, leaving a trail of water after him, stopping next to the kitchen. "Hello? Frank?" he called, but there was no answer. He moved a little further down the corridor, stopping outside Frank's open bedroom door.

Inside, the room was dark, like the rest of the apartment, and it suddenly crossed Gerard's mind that Frank could be asleep, which would make a lot of sense and would explain everything so far. But as he neared the entrance and peeked inside, he could hear low talking.

"But, Gabe, you know I'm not done yet!" Frank said, to whom, Gerard didn't know, he didn't hear this name before, and his mind was already working, speculating, sending waves of jealousy through his body. He could only see the faded silhouette of Frank's form on the wall, concealed in the darkness.

"Soon, I promise it would be soon," Frank said, softer this time. The rain knocked on his window and Gerard felt that dagger turning, making him shrink. This wasn't fair. They should have been cuddled together in bed right now; they should've been watching some movie or just touching each other, hugging the scare away at this night of thunders and lightning.

Gerard could feel the hot sting behind his eyes. He closed them tightly, trying to find the will to move inside the room and make his presence known; but he just couldn't. He couldn’t because whoever that Gabe was, he had Frank's attention, he was the one Frank was speaking tenderly to, and he wasn't Gerard. All the sadness of the last few days suddenly rose to the surface after being suppressed and Gerard felt like laughing and crying at the same time. Who would think he would finally cry, at Frank's apartment, where this whole mess began.

The next time he opened his eyes was to the sound of the thunder, making his heart spasm. He could catch snippets of light, of the lightning he missed which meant the storm was close to them by now. He looked at the wall again, where he thought he saw Frank's shadow, and felt himself shudder. He was sure he saw something else there.

This time he didn't even have the time to blink when another ray of blue force tore the sky open, lighting the whole room. Now there was no mistaking. Gerard walked backwards, hit his back on the wall and felt his mouth quivering. The thunder soon followed but was ousted from its glory by another cold lightning. And again, the shadow was clear on the wall, tall, luminous…unnatural. A small whimper escaped his trembling lips and he ran out of the apartment, door banging loudly on the wall as he flee. He ran like his life depended on it. He flew down the stairs, almost braining himself on the last set but finally broke out and into the street.  
He couldn't stop his legs from moving even if he wanted to. There was not a single living soul in the streets; only Gerard and some random cars. He ran and ran and ran, feeling the burn in his muscles, the air rushing quickly in and out of his open mouth, but he didn't stop until he reached his own apartment building. There, a couple of steps away from the entrance, he stopped and whizzed. It was too hot in his body compared to the cold of outside and his head swam. He put his hands on his knees and felt the rain sliding under his scarf. All of his clothes were glued to him, weighing him down; defeated, he fell to his knees, still breathing hard.

He knew something was wrong. He knew it from the moment he stepped foot into Frank's apartment. Nothing indicated anyone lived there longer than week; even now, thinking about what he saw just moments ago, nothing seemed to change. He should have sensed something was wrong when the door was unlocked. Since when stories that start like this ever end well?

And that one picture, that one picture that wouldn't leave his mind. What was that? Frank was a small guy, but the Frank Gerard saw in the shadows had…had something on his back. And no matter how much Gerard denied the word from entering his mind, he felt he knew what he saw. He saw wings.

He laughed to himself, at that moment, thinking how mad and fucked up this situation was. Here he was, freezing to death on the pavement in the middle of the storm after searching some answers from what really was his one night stand. Instead, he _thought_ he saw some wings, heard some mysterious talking and saw too many strange settings.

No, no, he didn't 'think' he saw. He saw it. It was contrasted electrified blue against black, Frank had something attached to his back, something that resembled a lot the shape of something that didn't exist. Even now as he thought about it, he could feel the chills rushing up his body, opening the door for the coldness to set in his bones.

The rain thumped down on him, roaring, along with his frightened thoughts. His eyelids were heavy with drops, hanging on the irises, pulling them down. Before he had the chance to do anything, his mind shut down, like the power crashed as his body and he fell to the wet pavement.

~

Of course, he eventually talked himself to get the fuck up. The thought that made him walk up to his apartment was something along the lines of “would you rather die on a street or behind the door of your flat where you are always oh-so alone?” He found himself falling down on the bed in his wet clothes and not even caring.

On the next day, Gerard still felt kind of okay. He had a horrible headache, but he could blame the wings thing on his tipsiness – or at least, he tried to. Even though the headache was trying to kill him, the true merciless thing was actually Gerard’s phone. It started ringing madly around noon, the Imperial March echoing through the room with sick intensity. Gerard groaned and managed to not trip over his own feet as he searched for the evil machine.

“Yeah?” he grumbled in a raspy voice and sat back down onto his bed, rubbing his palm against his worn-out face. He really didn’t know what he’d wanted to achieve with drinking and then running a marathon, but it almost drove him to death.

“So, how did it go?” Mikey on the other side of the line asked in a voice that sounded as loud as if he was using an amplifier. Gerard knew too well what he was talking about – he wanted to know what happened last night when Gerard (with the help of his friends) decided to go and talk to Frank after half the bottle of vodka.

“Mnhg,” he mumbled incoherently at first. Well, how did it go? Nothing extraordinary, really – just a lot of rain _everywhere_ ; dark, strange and cold looking apartments that made Gerard shiver, and yeah, there was also this awful shadow that made Frank look like he’d had wings. Crazy, right? And yet Gerard still couldn’t shake off the feeling of everything being real. “I didn’t go,” he lied quickly in the end and swore under his breath.

There was an audible sigh. “Why?” Mikey asked failing to hide his disappointment.

“Simply ‘cause I was too drunk,” Gerard explained and it stood both for his brother and also for his mind. He was too drunk to believe he’d seen actual _wings_ attached to Frank’s back, dammit.

“You didn’t sound so drunk to me,” Mikey argued but according to the tone of his voice, it was obvious that he gave up on this subject.  
Therefore, Gerard didn’t bother with adding anything else to it.

Even though his theory of “the more lies you tell the more obvious it is that you’re lying” hasn’t proven to be true, he still didn’t want to risk it with his brother. They didn’t say much after that, merely because Gerard felt a wave of nausea roll over him and he had to hang up and rush to the bathroom. He almost didn’t make it, but he managed to greet his old friend, The Toilet, just in time.

It turned out that it wasn’t just his hangover speaking. The throwing up didn’t stop until late afternoon and by then, Gerard’s eyes were swollen up, his throat hurt like hell and he sneezed approximately ten times per half an hour. He couldn’t do much about it, though, knowing that this cold was his entire fault. He curled up on his couch and decided to watch reruns of Doctor Who.

When his days continued on the same note, though, it became sort of annoying and Gerard was itchy all over. He had to call sick for work and therefore he didn’t lay his foot in the library for the whole week. However insane it was of him, he almost freaked out – because what _if_ Frank came to the library and didn’t find Gerard there? Yeah, sure Gerard tried to talk himself into believing that he just wanted answers and explanations, but if he’d had to be completely honest with himself, just looking at Frank would make his day better. Or so he thought.

~

This was proven wrong on Friday, when there was a knock on Gerard’s door and he, feeling a bit better now, went to open it. Really, he expected to see Ray there (since they had ‘video games Friday’ from time to time), so imagine his surprise when he opened the door and was met face to face with – yes, that’s right, Frank fucking Iero.

Frank was standing there in his bright red Etnies, because it obviously didn’t matter to him that it was balls-freezing outside, and he was wearing a black hoodie. It looked like he had many layers on him, though, and Gerard should really stop with observing him so much. He focused on Frank’s face instead, which wasn’t quite the best decision either, and took it in. If everything was still normal between them and stayed in the mood of their the-day-after, Gerard would have considered Frank really adorable right now – with his cheeks flushed and his nose as red as his shoes.

“Can I come in?” Frank wondered in a low voice and Gerard was almost surprised to see how killed Frank’s mood was. He almost asked if things with Gabe didn’t work out and Frank ended up rejected (just like Gerard had), but he managed to hold it back.

“How did you get my address?” Gerard said instead in a muffled voice, the cold he’s been going through still clinging onto him. It made him realize a few things – that he was wearing old pants, for example, and a dirty t-shirt. And that his hair was too messy and really, that he looked like a sick homeless guy. Frank, though, didn’t seem to look much better – or to feel much better.

Frank shrugged his shoulders. “I went to the library on Wednesday hoping to talk to you, but you weren’t there. So I asked Dan where you lived.”

“Oh,” Gerard uttered and cursed Dan in his mind. What the fuck? Weren’t they supposed to keep personal stuff a secret? What lies Frank must have told to get Gerard’s address? And why would he even do it in the first place? “What do you want?” he asked then, a little pleased to see Frank fidget a bit. Even his voice came out a bit distant, almost succeeding in making it sound like he didn’t care.  
Frank flinched and sighed. “I want to talk to you. I figured that I was dishonest with you and even though telling you will get me in trouble, I don’t want you to think that I just ran off.”

Gerard wanted to say something bitter to it, he really, really did. But he gave up on that idea the moment Frank looked up at him with his eyes. Gerard lost it at that second. Frank’s eyes, always so full of energy and always smiling at him no matter what situation they were in, were dead. They looked completely, terrifyingly dead and Gerard almost took a few steps back at that. There was no life in Frank’s eyes whatsoever and he looked so incredibly sorry for what has happened that Gerard _took_ a few steps back and gestured towards the room behind him. “Come in, then,” he murmured under his breath and bowed his head.

Frank found his own way through the apartment; Gerard was following him closely like a concerned stalker.

It was only now, walking behind Frank and looking at his back, that Gerard remembered that awful storm. He wondered if he would be so brave as to ask Frank about the possibility of him having wings, but he doubted it. That image was still haunting him at night, though, and even when sick, he usually woke up to his dreams being too vivid; and his dreams always consisted of Frank with wings.

“You can sit down, if you want,” Gerard commented dryly as they got to the living room. Frank obeyed and sat on the couch while Gerard remained standing. He felt almost proud to hover over Frank’s small figure like this; and he felt even prouder for showing Frank what an apartment should look like. The coldness of Frank’s flat still gave him the creeps.

“Would you sit down, too? Please?” Frank murmured in a tiny voice after a few seconds. Gerard really didn’t want to, but in the end, he was just a puppet. He’s always been a puppet. Whether it was his parents always taking care of him, or number Three deciding for him – he always just bowed his head and followed the orders. At least they were still in his apartment and his confidence remained with him although he sat down.

“So?” Gerard suggested little impatiently and straightened up, avoiding looking Frank in the eyes.

“Um, so,” Frank said, sounding quite insecure. He ran his fingers through the locks of his dark hair and shuffled a bit closer to Gerard on the sofa. “What I’m about to say will probably sound… well, crazy. I just – promise you’ll take it seriously.”

Gerard held his breath when Frank said that and even though he hesitated for a second, he shook his head. “I’m not going to promise you anything,” he said. He knew he was acting immaturely and he was just trying to sell his own self-pride to Frank, but he really didn’t plan on promising anything to him. He was still hurt and he wasn’t going to make it easy for Frank. Yes, he felt good about the fact that he was just about to get some answers to his stupid questions and he shivered when he thought about that, but still.

He saw Frank laugh quietly. “Well, I guess I brought this on myself,” he commented and nipping at the hole in his ripped jeans, he looked up at Gerard. “But will you at least listen, please?”

Yeah, Gerard could do that. He was a good listener – that’s always been his job. It was always up to someone else to do the talking, Gerard would just listen quietly. He really had to fight with it, because even nodding to that question felt like betraying himself a little bit, but he nodded in the end. It seemed to satisfy Frank and whatever it was that he needed to start talking, because he exhaled, uttered ‘okay’ and finally opened up his mouth.

“So. You know the stuff about people having guardian angels and whatnot, to save them from doing something stupid?” Frank asked and Gerard nodded again, confused. “Ah, that’s not true, most of it, at least. Guardian angels are something that died out during mediaeval age. God sort of forbid them from helping humans for all their wars and spreading plague. But angels, as a godly creature, exist.”

Frank made a pause there and Gerard raised an eyebrow at him. “And?” he encouraged him, not seeing where this was going. How was this explaining things? Frank obviously just wanted to ramble about the last book he read and it was probably something about mythology.

“Right,” Frank nodded shortly to himself. “There happens to be this person, living just a few blocks away from here, actually. And – ah, I can’t talk about that, but… There’s some business going on and when something like this happens, God sends one of his ‘soldiers’ to deal with it. Soldiers being angels, of course. And I – uh…” he cut himself off and ran his fingers through his hair again, “I kind of happen to be one of them.”

Frank’s words were quick to get to Gerard’s mind. They nestled in there, made his brain cells start rotting right away and burnt an impressive hole in there. “Right,” he said numbly and managed to snort. “You’re God’s soldier. Totally,” he repeated with a fake amusement in his voice. Gerard really didn’t want to admit that this would just nicely fit with the image of Frank having fucking wings; he’d rather believe that Frank was just being extremely stupid at breaking up with someone. (Oh, as if they relationship has ever started!) “Why don’t you just say it? Why don’t you just admit I was a one night stand?”

“What?” Frank breathed out and the expression on his face could be without doubt recognized as utterly pained. “That’s the point, Gerard! You weren’t a one night stand, if you were, I would never bother with coming here and telling you all of this!”

“And you seriously want me to believe that? That you’re an angel?” Gerard argued back and the rage building up in him made him stand up. Frank followed him only with his gaze as if he’d felt too small to stand up as well. “That’s such bullshit!”

“It’s not… that,” Frank said with the calmness back in his voice. 

Gerard didn’t know whether it was resignation or if Frank just decided to regain his balance. “I’m telling you the truth. I would never treat you like this after what we’ve done, but I was so scared of what would happen if they found out – I still don’t know what they’ll do. But I just couldn’t let you go without telling you. And I – I hoped that maybe you’d still want to risk it with me, despite everything; despite what they do with this.”

Gerard’s thoughts got fucked up and stopped someplace during Frank’s little speech. He was too busy and mesmerized by simply watching Frank’s expression – the fear on it when he talked about “them” was too real to be fake, wasn’t it?

“I don’t believe you, Frank,” he said nonetheless, his mind completely skipping the part of Frank’s monologue where he mentioned he would want Gerard to be with him. He didn’t know why he said that – he was pretty convinced by now. The spark he saw back a few days ago, with the wings being enlightened by lightning; and what Frank said – it made sense. Fucked up sense, yes – but sense nevertheless.

Gerard’s words finally made Frank stand up. He jumped onto his feet and he closed the gap between the two of them, grabbing Gerard’s shoulder maybe a bit too roughly.

“I’ll show you,” he stated and without really waiting for Gerard’s answer, he practically dragged Gerard all the way to the hallway.  
Gerard jerked there, succeeding in making Frank let go of his arm. They stood there silently for a few seconds before Gerard hesitated and then took a deep breath. “If we’re going outside, just let me grab my coat. I have a cold,” he said and it sounded really dumbly as he repeated it to himself in his head, but it still made Frank grin really wide.

~

They were standing on something that reminded Gerard of a field or a meadow. They were just a few miles away from Jersey, but he felt a little uneasy when he realized that even if he wanted to run, he wouldn’t be able to (Frank turned out to have a car indeed, although it wasn’t a mustang). The meadow was completely covered in snow and Gerard wondered _when_ it even snowed in the first place; he couldn’t remember. He also made a side note to himself to come back to this place in a few months when it will be all green to try and draw it. It looked calm even though it was in walking distance to the highway.

He started paying attention to Frank again when he noticed that he was taking off his black hoodie. He indeed had at least two more layers under it, but it still made feel Gerard uncomfortable.

“What are you doing?” Gerard asked, uncertainty echoing through his voice. He wasn’t even sure if he really wanted to hear the answer, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to cope without asking. He’s just chosen the less evil thing.

“I don’t want to rip my clothes apart,” Frank explained casually and folded all his t-shirts and hoodies, forming a decent looking pile of them on the ground. He then took a few steps back and bowed his head, his hands resting limply by his sides.

“What – “ Gerard wanted to ask, but he didn’t manage to finish. It was just a few seconds, really, and then it was there.

Frank’s wings looked like a flower – first, they were just a seed on his shoulder blades, slowly reaching out. Then Gerard could saw them peak over Frank’s shoulders, feathers like leaves trembling in the winter breeze. And then they overgrew Frank’s small silhouette and grew even higher, creating a beautiful, spectacular flower that’s just in bloom. And they looked like nothing Gerard has ever seen before. They still frightened him, as if he knew that Frank could smash people just by waving them around; but they were beautiful.

Gerard came to his senses just when Frank sighed and uttered, “Ah, feels so much better when they’re out.” Frank looked up, then, a sheepish smile on his face. He waggled his wings a bit, as if they were tired from being squeezed in Frank’s back somehow and needed to stretch out now. “Do you believe me now?”

Oh, but Gerard’s seen those wings before, although it was just a reflection. He believed before and he believes now, yet it’s so hard to move his head and fucking nod. “I do,” he managed to say in a quiet voice and Frank frowned at him. Yes, Gerard believed, but that was it. Somehow, he wasn’t able to adjust to the situation. It still felt like he was just imagining things and it wasn’t really happening. Maybe even Frank wasn’t real, maybe he just made him up – maybe he was so sick and tired of being alone that he created an imaginary lover for his own entertainment. God, imaginary people caused too much heartache.

“So… what do you say now?” Frank asked cautiously and keeping his wings close to his body, he tried and stepped forward a bit. Gerard took an equal number of steps back to keep the distance between them. Frank’s face scrunched up in hurt.

“This is sick,” Gerard stated and he couldn’t even believe himself. He took another step back and then let his eyes fall down to the ground. “Please, take me home,” he said in a small voice after that and didn’t dare to look at Frank.

Frank didn’t say anything to it. Gerard retreated back to the place where they left the car and waited inside until Frank came up to him, covered in his ridiculous multiple layers of clothing again. It was good for nothing, though – Gerard could still see his wings in his head and that was it for him. If Frank really was an angel – well, you just don’t go out with those.

~

Gerard’s life became some sort of a routine after that. He continuously tried to push Frank out of his mind and focus on the upcoming art show, but it was to no avail. Frank was always there – if he wasn’t taking up all the space in Gerard’s mind, he was cruelly lurking at the back of it, waiting to strike. It was mostly memories – at first, Frank with wings would show up in front of Gerard’s eyes for no apparent reason. Then he started to remember the only night they’d spent together and then… Then these two memories melted and suddenly, Gerard could see himself kissing Frank and reaching out for his wings to caress them.

It was like an infection. Once the virus has gotten into his system, he couldn’t get rid of it. Frank was still present, still filling up his dreams, and Gerard seriously couldn’t cope. He realized that Frank wasn’t imaginary at all. He remember the hickeys on his skin; a mark that Frank’s been there with his mouth. They were real, they hurt for days. And Dan saw Frank as well. Yes, Frank was real, and so were his wings. And the more Gerard thought about it, the more he found himself coming back to Frank’s words of risking it together.

He talked to Mikey from time to time and he considered it slightly ridiculous that they started talking again after months when Frank happened. He was thankful for his brother nonetheless, though, and their phone calls became more natural and loving with time. It came to the point where Gerard asked Mikey to go to the art exhibit with him and Mikey agreed.

It wasn’t a huge deal. The art show was a small event for no more than fifty people, but it was still the biggest success Gerard’s ever achieved and he was happy to have Mikey there with him.

The evening was going fantastic; Gerard didn’t come up with a more fitting word. Well, to the point where Mikey admired every painting and then stood next to Gerard with his glass of wine, being all classy and smart.

“So,” he started off and Gerard knew what was coming next. “Have you ever talked to Frank after that last time?” he asked and kept his eyes glued to Gerard’s face to notice any sign of lies on it.

Really, it sucked that he had to lie before and it sucked that he was just about to lie again now. But he had to – he couldn’t simply spill out that Frank was a motherfucking angel of the Lord and even though he wanted Gerard, it didn’t work out. Well, how would you inform your brother about that? His cheeks flushed involuntarily as he dropped his gaze and stared intently at the floor. He couldn’t control his heart speeding up. “No,” he muttered and the moment it was out, he knew Mikey didn’t buy it.

“Right. Okay.” It was everything Mikey said to it and Gerard couldn’t tell if Mikey was disappointed or just decided to give Gerard the time he obviously needed.

However, they didn’t touch this subject for the rest of the night. Mikey had to catch the last train back to New York and their night together was shortened, sort of. But it was okay. After that, Gerard came back to his apartment and felt at ease with everything; his mind was at peace, really. He presumed that this state won’t last forever and even though he wanted to cherish it, he fell asleep no longer after he’d changed to his pajamas. It wasn’t such a surprise that he dreamed about the art show. What was more surprising was that he dreamed that Frank was there with him, holding his hand the whole time, whispering sweet things into his ear and Gerard shivered with every uttered word. When he woke up the next morning, he knew. As much as he couldn’t decide for the past few weeks, it took him one night to decide in the end. As he headed to his work that morning, he set up a goal for himself: he’ll stop being a coward and he’ll look up Frank’s number.

~

Sometimes, when Gerard was mad, he made rash decisions. Like erasing Frank's number from his phone after a drunk night of freaking out over mystical creatures. Now he had to make up for it.

Hesitating was in Gerard’s nature. It took him approximately twenty seconds to search through the library files in the computer and find Frank’s number. He quickly scribbled it down onto some random paper lying on the table and paid attention to an old lady borrowing something about gardening. He’d call Frank later.

Everything looked and sounded more horrible later, though. It was his lunch break and he was sitting in his chair, biting his thumbnail furiously. He’d already dialed the number but it seemed to be problematic to actually call. What was he going to say, anyway? _Hi, Frank. So, um, I decided it’s okay that you’re an angel, still interested in fucking me into the mattress?_ Well, considering how great Gerard was at embarrassing himself, he might as well say exactly this. It wouldn’t surprise him.

He ended up pressing the ‘call’ button by accident, actually. He was toying with his phone, turning it around in his hand when he lost his balance and it almost slipped out of his grip. He made a frantic move and squeezed the device in his hand and when he looked at it, he panicked. ‘Calling’, read the screen. Gerard was just about to hang up feeling sick in stomach when he heard, “Hello?” in the distance. He didn’t know what or who decided for him, but he was suddenly pressing the phone to his ear.

“Um, Frank?” he stuttered out. He cursed under his breath and reminded himself that it wouldn’t be off-topic if he at least said hello or introduced himself at first. “This is Gerard.” He squeezed his eyes shut.

“I recognized your voice,” Frank said softly and Gerard’s heart skipped a beat. Frank didn’t ask where Gerard had found his number. He didn’t seem to care about that – he was so obviously interested only in the reason Gerard was calling, that it almost stung. “Can I… What can I do for you?”

 _Okay, it’s now or never. You keep dreaming about him. You can’t run away from him. Do it._ “I was just wondering, would you – how about we go for a coffee together?” 

Frank said yes in a heartbeat.

~

Caffeine, on its' various forms, is usually a beginning. A way to start the morning, a way to stimulate your senses after a dry day, and for Frank and Gerard, the beginning of something much more.

It started with a coffee, in a small coffee place near Gerard's library. First there was a shy smile on Gerard's face, and a small smile on Frank's face. Frank was the one to wait for Gerard, and after he saw him, he couldn't stop himself from grinning. It was just a natural reaction; he couldn't even control it, like when his mouth watered at the scent of something delicious. It was instinct.

And Gerard just couldn't resist that ray of sunlight shining from Frank. It was contagious, as always, and after they did the formal 'how are you', things went on smoothly. They stayed there for two hours, Frank doing most of the talking, Gerard staring at his mouth moving and yet listening carefully. Gerard had to admit that he wasn't so sure, in theory, how it would go. Yes, he did miss Frank.  
A lot. A whole lot. But he couldn't shut out that part of him that was just genuinely freaked out that he was sitting with a fucking angel. 

He saw the wings, he heard why Frank was there, but it was oh so bizarre. As they sat and talked, it just seemed impossible that two huge wings would fit into that small guy. The fact that his surrounding stayed the same did not help him with wrapping his mind around this.

Say, if suddenly more angels walked the New Jersey's streets, or if the apocalypse had ensued, or if anything that weird had happened - Gerard would get it. But everything was just so _normal_ , life went on as it always did: he was a librarian, the elections of the county were coming soon, his mother asked him to come pay her a visit. Nothing strange was happening.

And that realization slowly made its' way into Gerard's mind, releasing the tension that was wrapped around his lungs. He could give this a chance, the world wouldn't come to its' end.  
Who said dating an angel was necessarily a bad thing?

~

It was a typical Sunday afternoon, five weeks after they met again. Frank was lying on top of Gerard, his head resting on the other's chest. They were in the middle of a Harry Potter marathon, which, to put nicely, wasn't going as planned. At least on Frank's side. Gerard knew these would be his reactions.

"No, no! This is not right!" was a sentence uttered (or shouted, depending on the depth of the hurt in the original plot in Frank's opinion) every half an hour.

"I told you this was a bad idea," Gerard said and ran his fingers through Frank's soft hair. He felt a bit OCD doing this, as it never ended with one pet; more had to follow. Especially like this, when Frank's hair had just the right amount of softness after a shower. It was perfect, just like most of him.

Frank huffed and rolled his eyes. The latest breakdown was over something Gerard couldn't remember, seeing as this was the sixth…maybe seventh movie, Gerard didn't really care. He was never hit by that spell that bounded most of the people who read the books. It wasn't his cup of tea. But it was definitely Frank's, and after Frank told him he didn't even know they had movies, so they decided on a marathon.

Personally, Gerard found Frank much more attractive than any guy on the screen, and much more adorable. His reactions varied so quickly it was hilarious to watch. Frank was smiling like a goof ball every time some soft-romantic scene played out, making the butterflies in Gerard's stomach flutter. ("they're not butterflies, Gee, they're bats," Frank once argued, "because you're so dark and tough," he hit him playfully in the abs.) when Dumbledore died, Gerard could've swore he saw Frank's eyes glistening, and his hands fisted in Gerard's shirt. "you okay, Frankie?" he asked gently, even though some part of him wanted to make fun of him crying over the fictional death of a fictional character; but Frank only nodded and wrapped two colored arms around Gerard' neck, burying his head in his neck and turning from the screen. They stayed in this strange serpentine until Gerard's limbs felt too numb from the awkward position on his brown couch and they somehow ended up lying on top of each other. Gerard had no complaints.

"Oh my god, look! Look!!" Frank yelled, actually lifting himself off of Gerard's chest with two hands. "This is just a disgrace! What lame producer did this?" He yelled at the screen again. Gerard didn't bother to move, only turned his head to the screen. It was some forgotten scene in the movie he only saw once, of Lilly and Snape as little kids. The old-fashioned shoot ended and Gerard still couldn't figure what was wrong now, even though he was supposed to be encouraged by Frank's expecting look.

"What's wrong now?" he asked and looked at Frank. His chest was hovering above him, the two wings suddenly spread above him. Gerard sucked in a breath, as always when he first laid his eyes on the wings. From this angle all he could see was his strong jaw, the wings, his nose and his lips. His hands moved on their own to caress Frank's chest, trailing down almost to his boxers.

"All through out the books and the movies, they always say Harry has his mother's eyes, blah blah blah, right?" Frank looked down at him, his hair hiding his eyes. "And even Dumbledore uses this to convince Snape to protect Harry, because he has Lily's eyes, right?" Gerard hummed and kept his hand on Frank's hips, moving his fingers on the soft skin. "And now look! Not only did they cast someone with blue eyes when in the book he has green eyes, mini-Lily has _brown_ eyes!" he finished with a high cry, pointing at the screen. Gerard looked at his face with a blank expression, failing to see where the big crime was. Though he had to admit Frank looked so cute while raging over minor details.

"Really, a shame," he said and moved his hands back up Frank's chest. "You're such an asshole-" Frank started only to be cut off by his own moan, as Gerard pinched his nipple. Gerard quickly raised himself on his elbows, lips kissing Frank's throat. Frank planted both of his hands on the couch next to Gerard's body and turned his head, giving him a better access. Gerard licked and kissed his way, finding a soft spot that drove Frank crazy right under his jaw. Frank moaned and his hands started to shake with the weight and lack of control.

"G-gee, the movie," he breathed and tried to move away, only to be met with a buck of Gerard's hips, making them moan in unison. 

"Can wait," Gerard continued and rubbed their groins together. He had to admit the movie was disturbing, drowning out some of Frank's moans. He pulled Frank down for a kiss; finally letting their bodies touch fully, though Gerard was fully dressed. "Off," Frank demanded and started working on getting the piece of clothing out of the way. As soon as it was off, their mouths found each other again, sliding hotly together. Frank's groan was lost in Gerard's mouth as he bucked his hips again, feeling Frank's hard member press against his own. "G-Gee, I think- " but Gerard didn't let him finished and held him by the back of the neck, grazing his nails over the soft skin.

It was when Gerard heard the can't-be-missed "ugh," that he realized, it wasn't him nor Frank. He opened his eyes just as Mikey slapped a hand over his, saying "I didn't want to see this."

Gerard quickly drew away and bucked Frank off of him – the sudden movement sending him flying over the couch. Gerard was left alone sitting, baffled, his cheeks red. "Mikey! Didn't you hear of knocking?!" he screeched and grabbed his shirt quickly.

"Have you ever thought about opening the door when someone does knock?" he said and opened his eyes. He was blushing too, not nearly as tomato-red as Gerard but blushing nonetheless. Mikey was better at regaining his composure, and in those milliseconds Gerard spent panting and trying to hide the obvious bulge in his pants, Mikey was leaning against the wall, raising one eyebrow.

Gerard finally looked at him and followed his glance – who was suspiciously directed to the wall behind the couch. The light bulb in Gerard's mind came to life and he hurriedly said, "It's not what it looks like Mikes, it's just-"

But Mikey already raised his hand and shook his head. "Save the explanation, I really don't want to know what you guys did here or since when are you into costumes or role-playing and shit…just…spare me," he sighed.

Gerard released a breath he didn't know he was holding, thanking some hidden force for letting this make sense in his brother's mind. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to explain to Mikey that his boyfriend was a creature from above.

Boyfriend?

"Uh, hey," Frank said just in time to collide with Gerard's-sudden-shaken-thoughts, waiving at Mikey. He was still topless, yes, but at least wingless. He was blushing, just like everybody else in the room, and the look Mikey gave him wasn't making anything easier.

"Why are you here and how did you even get inside," Gerard stated, walking towards the kitchen to busy himself. He could hear some talking form the living room, a small "nice to meet you" and the usual greetings. Soon, footsteps followed the talking into the kitchen, sitting at the small table. Gerard finished pouring three mugs of coffee and turned around cautiously, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

"I was around and thought I should drop by. And if you don't remember, you gave me the spare key," he reached for is mug and cradled it in his hands.

Yeah, that sounded right. He did give Mikey his spare key, incase he ever drinks himself to death or did something equally as reckless. Someone had to come and look for him eventually, and Mikey was probably the only one to care enough. _Until now_ , a small voice whispered in his head, turning his eyes to Frank.

"Why were you 'around', there's nothing to do here," Gerard said and looked at him. This was suspicious. Mikey's blank expression lasted for about thirty seconds before he sighed and shook his head.

"Fine, fine, I came here because mom wanted me to tell you she wants you to come to dinner. And she wanted this to be delivered in person, so you wouldn't have the chance to fake another person trying to call or the line disconnecting...which, by the way, what the fuck?" he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Frank giggled, looking at the blushing Gerard. "Oh," Mikey added, "and she wants you to bring your boyfriend with you."

There was an awkward silence that lasted too long, making them all drink their coffee quietly.

"Well," Mikey said, "I'm gonna go now, and imagine I never saw anything. Nice meeting you, Frank," he said on his way out, and closed the door behind him.

Shit. This was not how he planned this to be. Yes, Frank and himself were dating for over a month, but never once had the big word that made it basically official with commitments had been uttered. Gerard couldn't deny he thought about it from time to time, but never dwelled on it, because his fears were always in the middle, stabbing him with hurtful thoughts of why Frank would even want to be with him and that maybe this was a passing fling.

"Gee?" Frank asked, touching his hand gently. He didn't even remember Frank getting closer, but he looked at his face, suddenly feeling a harsh sting behind his eyes. _No, don't cry in front of him_ , he kept saying to himself, breathing hardening. He could do this. He had to do this.

"Hey, it's okay," Frank said and hugged him, his wings circling them both in some cocoon-like shape, blocking everything else outside. Gerard couldn't even remember the wings being pulled out; but he was too busy fighting his demons.

"It's okay Gee," Frank said next to his ear, rubbing comforting circles on his back. "Of course I'll go to meet your parents," he added a second later, making Gerard tense under his touch. 

"You…you really mean that?" Gerard asked, pushing Frank back and keeping his hand on his shoulders so he could look him properly.

"Of course I do, silly, unless you've got some other boyfriend hidden in here," he said playfully, grinning wide. Gerard closed his eyes, for a moment, and let his forehead fall on Frank's with a thump. "Ouch," Frank started, but Gerard silenced him with a finger to his lips. He just. He just needed a moment to breathe, clear his thoughts, and remember that this was Frank, and he stayed here even though he didn't owe Gerard nothing, and he showed him his true self, and if Gerard had any doubts about how much Frank cared, then he was just simply blind.

"I love you, you know?" he said, for once in his life not worrying about the answer.

He could feel Frank's fragile lips stretching under his finger, as he silently mouthed, "I love you too".

~

"Oh my god Gerard I didn't know you played in a musical!" Frank said, bringing another wonderful memory from their night spent at his parents' house. Just wonderful. Gerard hit his head on the wheel, groaning. "For the last time, Frank, stop looking at the darn thing!" he tried to snatch the photo album out of Frank's lap but Frank was the wiser, sitting at an angle that didn't allow Gerard to reach the book. Frank only snickered and flipped the page. "Your mom's the best," Frank remarked, pulling some random photo out to look at the date.

"My mom's the worst," Gerard huffed. Really, could this woman be more embarrassing? "My baby finally found someone to love him!" like, thanks mom, no, it's okay, keep reminding me how lonely I was. Then the woman proceeded to show Frank every embarrassing photo ever taken of Gerard.

"You were cute as a kid, what's the big deal?" Frank asked, finally closing the album as he reached the last page.

"I was fat as a kid," Gerard answered, turning around the corner.  
"Hush! You were chubby. That's cute. And where are we going?" Frank turned to look outside the window, noting they passed Gerard's apartment.

"I want to show you something," Gerard said and kept his mouth shut, not answering any more curious questions.

~

"Wow", Frank breathed, his eyes jumping from wall to wall, trying to contain everything at once.

It took Gerard a lot of begging and ass kissing to get the gallery owner to let him have the keys for one night. He wanted to show Frank his work, privately. The street was mostly empty at this small hour of the night, only the street lamps standing lonely apart from each other. Gerard closed the big curtains after they entered the gallery, leaving the place only for themselves. He turned on the lights but used the dimmers, to set a more intimate atmosphere.

"Gerard, these are amazing," Frank said quietly, awe written on his face. Gerard felt his heart swell with pride. It was the best feeling, to hear such words from the ones you care about the most. He walked behind Frank and circled his arms around his hips. "I'm glad you like it," he whispered in his ear and traveled his lips down to his lobe, sucking in the tender flesh.

"Baby, I want to appreciate your art," Frank half talked half moaned, making Gerard chuckle. "Later," he said and left open mouthed kisses down his neck, his hands playing with the hem of Frank's jeans. He splayed his hands on Frank's stomach, grazing the skin.

"f-fuck, get back," Frank moaned and walked back himself, turned to face Gerard and basically ripped his shirt off. With the help of two mighty wings, of course. Gerard had to stop for a moment and just look. There was one light shining behind Frank, directed to the wall. The light shone through the soft feathers, making them seem like they were glowing and darkening Frank's features, making his face look rougher than usual. He just looked like sex on legs, and Gerard had to do more than looking now, though his eyes were just as hungry as his mouth. A small groan left his throat and he pounced on Frank, sending them both to the floor.

It took them less than ten seconds to get all the clothes off, leaving nothing between them. Gerard went immediately for Frank's cock, not even teasing him before he took him in his mouth. Frank's limbs tensed and he threw his head back; hands flying immediately to tug on Gerard's hair. Gerard let him practically fuck his mouth, saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth. It was messy, and fast, and it was perfect.

But both didn't want it to end so quickly and so Frank pulled Gerard up for a kiss, squeezing his butt with both his hands. Their lips parted and their tongues touched, first just teasing and then battling for control. Frank explored the underside of Gerard's tongue, licking the smooth surface, making him moan and push his hips down.

"Mhm, want you inside me," Frank voiced his needs breathlessly in Gerard's ear. Gerard moaned and shuddered, lifting himself above Frank. He was ready to just drag those legs open and push himself inside when he realized this might be a problem.

"Are you comfortable like that, on your back, with the wings?" he asked, mouth open, his hand trailing absentmindedly down to wrap around his cock. Frank watched the movement with wide eyes, biting his lower lip. He quickly got on all four, ass facing Gerard. 

"Like this would be best," he said, pushing backwards to rub against Gerard's shaft. Gerard groaned and grabbed Frank's ass, sliding hic cock between them. "Gee, please," Frank moaned, opening his legs.  
Gerard put two fingers in his mouth and touched them to Frank's entrance. "I don't have any lube," he said apologetically, pushing one finger inside. Frank moaned, breathing a quite "don't care".

After a couple of minutes of prepping, Gerard spat into his hand, trying to lubricate himself as best as he could. "This might hurt," he said, and started to push himself in. the muscles in Frank's back moved, the wings fluttering. Gerard threw his head back, holding himself from pushing all the way inside after hearing Frank's shaky breaths. "Are you okay?" he asked, sliding his hands on the wings. He pushed his fingers in the cracks and pulled them down, all the way from the wide top to the tip.

"Shit, that feels good," Frank whispered and moaned, moving around Gerard. "It's like. Ugh, keep d-doing that, with your hands," he added and moved the wings, almost like he was a cat, stretching and purring. Gerard squeezed the feathers gently and moved his hand around the structure to touch every creak, noting that the underside of the inner wing was driving Frank mad.

Frank moved one hand to jack himself off. He didn't realize this touch was making him so fucking _horny_ until he slammed himself back, taking Gerard by surprise. "Move," he demanded and braced himself on the floor again.

Gerard complied immediately. He grabbed Frank by the hips and set up a rhythm, feeling the drag of his cock inside Frank's tight insides. Everything was just so hot and overwhelming; the structure of the big wings, displayed before him, the colors on Frank's back, the lights. He moved faster, feeling the sweat gathering on his brow, his hands slipping. He fisted one hand in Frank's dark hair and pulled his head back, making him whine. "f-fuck, Frank, s'feels so good," he panted, pounding into him. Frank moaned and pushed back in time to meet his thrusts, bringing them closer to the edge.

"O-oh!" Frank suddenly moaned high, wings shuddering. Gerard focused on the same angle, hitting Frank's prostate again and again, making him unravel in his hands. He could feel that heat pulling in the pit of his stomach and in he back of his legs, making his moves stutter. "I'm, I'm gonna," he moaned, burying his hands in Frank's wings, racking them all the way down, tugging at the feathers. He could feel his orgasm building inside him, like a volcano, and then all he could feel was his body, moving on auto-pilot, burning inside of Frank. He fell forwards, head over Frank's shoulder, screwing his eyes and biting down on his shoulder blade.  
Frank soon followed, his wings fluttering madly, and he shot his load all over the ceramic floor. They breathed, for a moment, savoring the memory. The just stayed there, like some odd statue, like they were frozen in time.

Soon, Gerard came down from his orgasm, pulling out of Frank; soothing his hands over his wings, as if he was sorry he almost abused them before. Frank whined and turned away, pulling Gerard down to him. They kissed slowly, just lips touching lips, moving around each other.

After a few minutes, Gerard was still half lying over Frank, his fingers dancing over his skin. Everything was so calm, and quiet, and Frank's wings hung around them like two huge curtains, giving them privacy from all the paintings watching.

"Please tell me this is not your last exhibition," Frank said, and tightened his grip around Gerard. Gerard only laughed, burying his head in the crook of Frank's neck and grinned. They lay in silence, listening to each other's breathing. He sure hoped it wasn't.

~

Gerard woke up considerably early on the next day. He’d expected to sleep until noon at least – after last night it wouldn’t have surprised him if he woke up in three days. He felt tired all over, so despite the urge to get up and pee, he just rolled onto his side and stared at Frank. Frank was, of course, still sound asleep.

Or, well, it looked that way at first. But when Gerard looked closer (because he really had to be such a creeper, right, he just had to stare at his boyfriend), he noticed a quite obvious bulge under the sheets where Frank’s crotch was. Just to give this scenery a nice ring to it, Frank groaned obscenely and moved his hips a bit. Gerard stared. It’s not like he could help it. Something like this didn’t happen often, okay?

He considered his options. The idea of wrapping his lips around Frank’s dick was definitely tempting, but he didn’t want to scare him, so he went for the other option. That meant hands. He shuffled closer to Frank’s resting body and leaned to Frank’s ear.

“Hey, babe,” he said in a quiet voice and slipped his hands under the sheets. He was just touching Frank’s abdomen when Frank’s eyes fluttered open and he looked at Gerard, surprised. “Wanna tell me what you dreamt about?”

Frank swallowed and bucked his hips when Gerard finally got to Frank’s dick with his hand. “’Bout you,” he answered in a raspy voice and grabbed Gerard’s t-shirt. “Do you have any idea what this is doing to me?”

Gerard grinned and obeyed when Frank pulled him closer. “Well, I just wanted to start the day with something special,” he informed him and wrapped his fingers around the base of Frank’s cock. “Now tell me details while I’m jacking you off.”

Gerard was happy. That was the only word he could come up with and it described his mood just perfectly. He was still painting, finding it easier and easier to speak through the tip of his brush. And he loved his job even more when Frank would just randomly show up and spend the whole day in the library sometimes, just sitting on the floor and reading.

Yeah, Gerard loved him. With time, he realized that Frank might be an angel, but it doesn’t change anything about the way he feels towards him. He just wanted their relationship to last. Because, come on, even his mother approved of Frank! And that’s saying something.

They spent every Saturday afternoon in a park near Frank’s house. They just went on a walk there at first, because it was calm and looked pretty even during winter, but when spring came and it was much nicer outside, they’d go for a picnic there, or to sit in the grass for a few minutes. Gerard loved stealing moments like this for themselves. They forgot about their problems, about the fact that Frank was an angel; time didn’t exist when they were there.

That’s why Gerard didn’t like it when Frank squeezed his hand and made Gerard sit down on a bench one day. The park was half empty, only moms with kids hanging around. Gerard didn’t like it, no, not at all – Frank sounded way too serious. And this was the place where they were supposed to forget about serious stuff.

“I need to talk to you,” Frank said quietly and it reminded Gerard of the time when Frank came to his apartment, sat Gerard down and told him he was an angel. If this was heading in a familiar direction, Gerard would just get up and walk the fuck away. He didn’t sign up for any more surprised. (Although that was bullshit, he would never walk away – he was just nervous and he was trying to busy himself with something else.)

“Okay?” Gerard responded and it came out as a question even though he didn’t mean it like that. The question mark sort of fought its way to his voice and he couldn’t help it. Not with a wave of anxiety rolling over him.

“I should have told you weeks ago,” Frank mumbled and wow, that didn’t make Gerard feel any better. He fidgeted on the bench, squeezing Frank’s hand – not really encouraging him to talk, just to reassure himself that this all was real.

“You should have told me what?” he asked cautiously, pretty convinced that he didn’t even want to hear the answer. He felt the spring breeze ruffle through his hair as if they were in a sappy romantic movie and he hated it.

Frank was gnawing on his lower lip furiously. “So, I’m an angel,” he stated in the end and Gerard just nodded, trying his best not to add a sarcastic remark to it. “But it’s a temporary thing. Like, this body is my vessel, sort of. Which means I don’t have anything to do with it. And the thing is, oh, sweet Lord,” he trailed off again and avoided looking at Gerard’s face completely. “The thing is that once my job here is done, I leave the body. You get what I’m saying?"

Gerard stared dumbly back when Frank turned to him again. “Make it clearer. Just to be sure,” he answered in the end hoping for this all to be a big, fat joke. Because this couldn’t be real. If he was getting it right, Frank was going to disappear once his work on Earth was done and that would be it for them. But that just _couldn’t_ be real, right?

Frank blinked a few times before he found it in himself to speak up again. “I said that I’ll be gone. And it’ll be over. Because the original Frank whose body I’m stealing is straight as an arrow. And I know it’s not fair that I haven’t told you before, because I knew this all along – but I just. I just couldn’t.” Frank disconnected their fingers and brought his hands up to his face to distance himself from the world for a few seconds.

“I get that,” Gerard choked out at last in a numb voice. “You knew I wouldn’t have stayed with you if you told me.”

“I assumed that, yes. And I wanted you too much for that. I still want you.”

“Don’t you get shit for it?” Gerard asked all of a sudden. This has been bugging him for quite some time, but he never dared to ask. Now that they’re playing truth, he figured he might as well give it a shot. “For being with me, for fucking with me?”

Frank’s nose scrunched up in disgust. “Don’t say that. We make love, we don’t… do that other thing. There’s a difference,” he informed Gerard and then sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "Well, Gabe – he’s my boss while I’m here – is trying to get me in trouble for it. But that’s just Gabe. He wants everyone to get in trouble so he would look perfect in our father’s eyes.”

Gabe’s name punched Gerard in the face and he automatically ran out of other smart-ass questions. It’s not like he was completely honest with Frank – he never mentioned seeing his wings that stormy night and he was not going to change that, not even now.  
“I don’t think it’s hit me yet,” Gerard commented dumbly. He was distinctly aware of the fact that this was nearing its end, but he kind of tried to deny it. “I mean, your job’s not over yet, right?”

Frank looked down at his hands and really, that was a good enough answer. He didn’t even have to add anything else to it. “Gabe says we’ll finish in about four weeks. Is it too much to ask of you to stay with me for that long?”

No, it wasn’t too much. If Frank didn’t ask Gerard to stay with him, Gerard would ask Frank to do it. He maybe could have been able to say no to this at the very beginning, if he knew what he was signing up for, but he wasn’t capable of that anymore. Frank knew too much. And even though the merciless sting of realization hasn’t gotten to Gerard yet, he knew it would come for him. But it would come anyway – if he was alone or even if he wasn’t. And if he could make his own choice in this, he would always choose Frank.

“You don’t need to ask for that,” Gerard uttered in a low voice and pulled Frank closer. To soothe him and also because he couldn’t quite look him in the eyes. He feared Frank would spot how terrified Gerard was, and he didn’t want that.

~

It was weird to admit it, but Gerard still felt happy. He tried and refused to think about how they were basically running out of time, but, of course, those thoughts would creep into his mind anyway. He imagined meeting Frank somewhere in the city. He wouldn’t be even able to say hi – they would be complete strangers. It hurt to think about that and the closer they were to the four weeks deadline, the more Gerard freaked out.

It came to the point where he wouldn’t be even able to just kiss Frank without realizing it might as well be their last kiss. And having that constantly on mind sucked ass.

“Will I at least get a specific date?” Gerard whined one night when they were curled up on the couch again, clinging onto each other.  
“No,” Frank sighed and ran his fingers through Gerard’s hair. “Once the job is done, it takes me back. I might be with you when it happens or I might be somewhere else. So when I don’t come back one day… it’s because I’m not here anymore.”

“And the original Frank won’t remember anything at all.”

“Yeah. He won’t remember anything at all.”

It was the first and also the last time Gerard cried into the fabric of Frank’s shirt. Frank kept playing with his hair and wrapped Gerard in his wings. They never mentioned it again.

~

“Would you move in with me?” Gerard asked a few nights after that when travelling up Frank’s thigh with his mouth. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, because it was one of the happy ones, but he had to ask that. It’s been sitting on his mind for too long now.

Frank moaned when Gerard used his teeth and squeezed Frank’s sensitive skin with them. “What, Gee?” he asked back, obviously distracted.

Gerard looked up at him and actually abandoned Frank’s thighs after that, pulling himself up on the bed. “I asked you to move in with me. I want to spend every second we have left with you.” Even though Gerard’s mouth was out of service, his hands weren’t. He kept caressing Frank’s skin, wandering his hand up and down – he knew he had to keep him distracted, he wouldn’t say yes otherwise. He just hoped this would be enough.

But it wasn’t. “I can’t do that,” Frank groaned and sat up, his wings starting to take form on his back from all the pleasure.  
“Why not?” Gerard almost whimpered and reached out with his other hand, touching the spot where Frank’s wings were coming out from.

Frank shivered and leaned into the touch. “Because that would mean leaving lots of things at your apartment,” he managed to breathe out, “and that would hurt you even more. And I’m not – I’m not letting myself do that, I can’t hurt you even more – oh – so that’s not happening.”

“You’re so mean,” Gerard pointed out, but since he knew Frank was right, he let the subject go. In the end, it was just a silly dream of his. Nothing that he could count on, really. “Yet I don’t seem to be capable of not loving you.”

Gerard shuffled on the bed, sitting behind Frank’s back. He leaned closer and pressed his lips against the same spot he’s been touching before. It felt rough under his lips, like scarred skin. He tangled his fingers into Frank’s wings, toying with the feathers playfully. He’d never thought he would have this kind of foreplay.

“I love you, too,” Frank moaned in a quiet voice and pushed back against Gerard’s hands and lips.

~

They were walking down the street, headed towards the coffee shop they had their first date at. Gerard was shamelessly rambling about his idea for a comic book when it happened.

He realized that Frank was no longer walking by his side, so he turned around to see what was wrong. Really, it clicked right away. There was just something about Frank that felt off and Gerard just knew that this wasn’t his Frank anymore.

“Where the fuck am I?” the real Frank mumbled angrily to himself and then looked up, catching Gerard’s stare. He glared at him. “What are you looking at? Do I know you or something?”

“No, sorry. Um, you don’t know me,” Gerard stuttered quickly and moved to turn away. He took one last glance at Frank’s face and tried to remember it with the soft features it used to have. He knew that even if this original Frank was gay, he wouldn’t go for it – he didn’t like his attitude at all. Bitchy and rude, that was something Gerard didn’t search for in a person.

He managed to turn around without tearing up. He was furiously trying to talk some sense into himself, but it felt useless. He couldn’t even comprehend that just a few seconds ago, Frank was still by his side. His Frank. The Frank that hugged him with his wings every other day, just to feel closer to him. The Frank with his nose always buried in a book. The Frank that’s gone now and Gerard would never get him back.

He felt completely lost in the city he’s been born into and wandered around the streets countless times. He felt like sitting down on the pavement and letting all the tears out. He felt like falling down and never getting up. It was different to _know_ Frank will disappear – but Gerard never imagined it to hurt this bad. It felt like someone was shoving a burning stick down his throat, penetrating his lungs with it.

He wasn’t even aware of the fact that he was still walking. He would probably walk and walk and walk and get lost for real if it wasn’t for that voice. That voice that appeared out of nowhere and sounded like no one Gerard’s ever talked to. And it felt like it was echoing only through his head.

“I’ll find a way to get back to you,” the voice said and then it was gone. And Gerard knew – he knew it was Frank.

_The End._  


**Author's Note:**

> Check out the art for this fic [ here.](http://bloodynemo.livejournal.com/13798.html#cutid1)


End file.
